FLUTTER BY. . .Panic and the Power of Anyway

FLUTTER BY. . .

© 2013 Paulissa Kipp, All rights reserved.

© 2013 Paulissa Kipp, All rights reserved.

Flutter by
Red wings of courage
flutter by
Calm my fluttering heart
soothe my shallow breath

Flutter by
Red Wings of courage
flutter by
Soothe the trembling of my hands, my legs, my eyes and my soul

Flutter by, butterfly with wings of courage
upon winds of love
Free me from the prison of my thoughts and the cells of my body
I am safe. . .I am safe. . .I am safe or am I?

Out of the cocoon I climb only to find another
caterpillar to butterfly to caterpillar to flutter by
So it goes and so it stays
Someday soon I’ll find a way to carry it all

Flutter by, red wings of courage
wounds stitched with gold
Heal the scratches, bumps and heartaches of old
Give rise to the Phoenix and aching release
Flutter by, red wings of courage
Peace. . .she brings peace. © 2013 Paulissa Kipp

Yesterday was a very difficult for me on the PTSD/anxiety scale. I found myself swallowed up in large groups and each time I re-established my personal space, the school of fish moved into it again. I spent each break from the conference wishing for a quiet place and a way to escape. There was none. The manifestation of PTSD/panic upon my body varies but most often includes sweating, shallow breathing, trembling throughout my entire body,hyper-vigilance about my personal space and a racing pulse.

Most days, I am able to utilize my self-soothing mechanisms to restore my sense of safety: yogic breathing, finding a quiet place, progressive relaxation of my muscles, zentangle, etc. Yesterday WAS NOT one of those day, at least not within the fish bowl. Those of you who know me know that I have two main principles about living with  mental health diagnoses:

1. I will live my life joyfully in spite of living with my diagnoses.
2. I will be honest about those times when in spite of the efforts, the dragon comes to visit and about how I have to learn to pet the the dragon.

There are things I learned about myself yesterday. I learned the power of my ANYWAY. My ANYWAY acknowledges that I am scared and feeling threatened, my ANYWAY knows that I can leave an event if I need to and while disappointment may be present, the disappointment will not be directed at me. My anyway will walk through the fire more often than not to move toward my goals. I learned what situations ramp up the anxieties and why and can use that data to plan for future events.

Categories: Uncategorized

About Paulissaisms

What Kind of Artist Am I? I am an Empress of Creative Energy, releasing truth and beauty into the universe, singed by the fires of Edana and Callayosa. The art I heal with involves color, lines and questions. Questions for which there is no right or wrong answer, only the one thàt moves the spirit and soul of those answering. I bring awareness to the need for social change with line, color, motion, words, camera lens and through strength of spirit and a voice that will not be silenced. I am a Rebel of Intention Presence & Liberator of the Light Filled Shadow ™ : Activist, Advocate, Mixed Media Artist, Author, Mental Health 1st Responder, Peer Support Specialist, Photographer, Truthteller, Whole Health Action Management and Wellness Recovery Action Plan facilitator.

6 Responses to FLUTTER BY. . .Panic and the Power of Anyway

  1. Beautiful poem and sharing, Paulissa. “Red wings of courage.” Love this imagery so much. Keep on keepin on. 🙂

  2. Lorraine says:

    Paulissa, I love how your story of Self is not your diagnoses, and have made room for compassion, acceptance and kindness to embrace “those days” without changing the knowing of who you really are. A very powerful message for all of us to take notice of indeed.

  3. Jamie says:

    Beautiful entry, very powerful!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *