So. . .I see that the envelope of death certificates from the Rusk County Registrar of Deeds has arrived. Paper documenting the end of my mother’s life. Am I ready to read the cause of death? NO. Will it break my heart again? YES. Such is the nature of grief. The heart breaks piece by peace until the lessons of LIVING have been absorbed. Then peace can be fired into the cracks that fill a broken heart.
Shall I torture myself with photos of a life wasted? NO. Torture isn’t my style. Instead, I will love myself healthy by:
- Taking my meds regularly and not forgetting doses when things get hectic.
- Strengthening my body by exercising at least 30 minutes per day.
- Eating nutrient-dense food.
I will use photos of Mom at her heaviest and unhealthiest to keep me motivated. She didn’t have to live with pain or die young. Yet these truths are self-evident:
Medication only works if one takes it. Having 35 glucose meters, 100s of bottles of unused insulin and 100s of bottles of meds doesn’t help if the patient lacks the self-love necessary to follow through. If the patient believes that he or she is too much work, that proper self-care takes too much time or is too inconvenient, he or she will likely die an inconvenient death, live with an inconvenient illness, deal with inconvenient pain and leave inconvenient loved ones behind.
Owning 50+ cookbooks but not cooking a meal can lead to inconvenient weight gain, an inconvenient triple bypass, an inconvenient pacemaker, inconvenient surgeries without the benefit of anesthesia due to that inconvenient pacemaker. Here, have inconvenient blood pressure and cholesterol readings.
Owning 24 large Rubbermaid totes of breathing supplies and not using them leads to inconvenient gasps for air – the cleansing breath that is the gift of the living. Owning 3 full bags of tobacco, rolling papers and a Rubbermaid tote full of packs of cigarettes ensures that your death certificate will read: Respiratory failure due to lung cancer. It ensures inconvenient congestive heart failure, an inconvenient cough, inconvenient cancer and inconvenient mourning – an inconvenient LIFE indeed.
My life will NOT be inconvenient. Instead, it will be celebrated with movement, fruit of the earth and offerings of love – to myself first and then to the world.
Life is not inconvenient unless we are too lazy to fully live it ~ Paulissaism
I will live my life grateful for each breath, each step and each moment.